Analysis:
Alright puntlings, this shit should be the most entertaining thing at Suncorp stadium since that one year they got Shannon Noll to perform the Origin halftime show and then made him go out there and rip into the “Fried Night Footy” jingle from the KFC ads. That’s a huge call too cunts, because I was so thoroughly entertained by that I nearly shat myself. I almost stopped breathing, imagining the far away places Nollsy must have had to go to in his mind to separate his artistic dreams from the man currently trying to sell a chicken shop commercial to a live audience like it was fuckin “Sweet Child O’ Mine’. That’s how bad the bags get ya, kids.
It’s quite a happy coincidence that the Cows have had a recent dip in form against opposition hookers, right exactly around the time Reece Robson gets to square up against his old club. Come on cunts, you know he wants one like I wanted a Ghostbusters Proton Pack when I was 9, and you better believe I fucking got one (thanks Mum).
I know I don’t have to tell you, constant punter, that anything and everything can happen in Magic round, but I’m really having a hard time envisioning a scenario where the Cowboys don’t get their dicks punched off like the toppled statues of an overthrown despot here. We love the Roosters because they score lots and lots of tries, but also let the other boys score some tries too, from what I can only assume is due to having a fair and noble spirit, so there should be a few put over the chalk.
Shit week to be having Jake Clifford and a new guy running the Cows from the middle, since DCE and Walker are turning into an absolute fucking nightmare for even the most established of halves pairings. They don’t have to throw that cutout, cunts, they WILL just fucking score on you instead.
Otherwise, should be a couple of meaties from Tupes as is customary on his planet, where they gain sustenance from doing sick leaps over other cunts (I believe their gravity is 1.8x ours), and North Queensland will most likely have to rely on Scotty Drinks to creep through enemy lines, since Fullbacks are really the only position who dunk on them with any sort of regularity.
Having said that, the Roosters have been getting a bit sloppy defending right edge runners, and Heilum Luki has been quietly putting them away with little fuss. In fact, I even heard he loves tries and wants to do sex to them. It’s true. Josh told me yesterday when we were waiting for the bus.
