Analysis:
If you know me IRL, you will probably be expecting me to talk shit about the Eels here, and you would be wrong, babydick. This is because I am able to truly remain impartial, since I am a more highly evolved person than you, and it’s weird that you project your negative traits onto me. Make no mistake, I am a fan of the Melbourne Storm, but they will always be second to data. Data doesn’t let you down, or put in dogshit defensive efforts against the Cowboys, but I digress. The reason I’m not mouthing off about the Eels here is that I don’t even need to consult the data to know they have a much better chance against the Storm in a seasonal rematch than it looks like on paper – I can just scroll through my phone to find all the shit-eating messages from my Parra-supporting brothers from all the times the Eels pulled off a follow-up upset on the Storm, so I would never be so confident.
Anyway, you’d have to have a pretty low footy IQ to be heaping shit on the Eels this season. I have a theory that the reason cunts hate the Eels is that their very existence is undeniable proof that their teams fuckin suck without a couple of key star players. None of you cunts can sit there and make excuses for your club’s shitty performances just because you have a couple of starting players out. The Eels have been dropping like fuckin flies and still scoring more tries than your team, so EAD.
I wouldn’t trust the Storm beating up on a team that had about four men on the field by the second half last week as a true indication of them regaining any semblance of their previous form. If they have? Well cool, then there should be a bonanza of tries coming out of Melbourne’s spine. If they haven’t, then it’s on for fuckin EVERYONE. Melbourne have had 3 or more tries put on them by outside backs for the last 7 straight weeks. Get creative with that stat, cunters.
