Scott Drinkwater
The bad thing about the Cowboys is that it’s basically impossible to predict when they are going to completely shit their dacks. The great thing about the Cowboys is that it’s very easy to predict when they are NOT going to shit their dacks, and that is specifically after a game in which they have shit their dacks. Since the Cowboys shit their dacks last week, we can definitely expect a bounce back. Last time they got held to two or less tries, they responded by scoring 9 fuckin tries a week later. This doesn’t surprise me; Zod Payton looks scary as fuck, glaring down at the field from that crystal prison (Superman put him in there). Anyway, the Dolphins don’t allow a lot of repeat business from the same positions, so for the Cows to find success, they will need to spread it around to all their usual threats like Scotty Drinks here. The Fins haven’t conceded a try to a Fullback in three games, but were torched by them for five straight matchups prior to that. If the Cowboys manage to avoid Zod’s wrath this week, you better believe Scotty is making an appearance over the tryline.
Jack Bostock/Jamayne Isaako
The Dolphins right side CTWs have been responsible for 20 fuckin tries so far this season. The Cowboys have let in 17 from the same two positions. They have also conceded the first try there in three of the last four games. What else do you want cunt? Want me to put your punts on for you? Need me to hold your hand? Scram dickhead.
Murray Taulagi
Big Muz was putting them away like a madman before he dropped out with an injury for like 7 weeks or some shit. The Raiders were all over the Cows last week, denying Taulagi his usual meat pie in his first game back, but this cunt can’t stay quiet for very long. The Dolphins have given up the most action to left wingers out of any position, with 8 tries dumped on their right side defence. That’s not actually a lot, but it might just be enough for Murray.
Heilum Luki
Go back and read last week’s Cowboys game writeup if you’re not already on this. Then go have a look at the results. Yeah I fuckin told ya he loves it.
Jeremy Marshall-King
Hookers have punched the Cowboys up the guts in four of the last seven games. Max Plath may be starting, but JMK has played like half a game this season and already has a try. If the Dolphins play the ball at any point on the Cowboy’s line, this shifty cunt is definitely diving through faster than you can say “But Sir!!??”
The Hammer
Cunts, listen. There’s nothing in the stats that suggest Hamiso has a particularly good chance of scoring against the Cowboys. They have only given up 4 tries to them all season. Still, in all four of those games, the fullback tries coincided with them being hit up the right side, and they are gonna get hit up the right side boy, lemme tell ya. The Hammer doesn’t have an issue staying dangerous for the full 80 too, so he’s always a good candidate to sink the last one for the Fins.
Thomas Mikaele
The Cowboys’ team punishment for failing to score a try during the season must be fuckin brutal, because I can’t be the only one around here who has noticed Sissyphus here desperately rolling that rock ever closer to the tryline every week. He fuckin wants one, and he is definitely gonna get one. Maybe this week, maybe not, the point is, I’m certainly jumping on this train until he gets it out of his system. The Dolphins have given up more tries to opposition forwards in the last three games than they have all season. It could be Thomas time cunts…