Seb Kris
Few things on earth are more disgusting than the Bulldogs defence against left wingers. I mean fuck, this is bad, and they need to be ashamed of this. They have been fucking destroyed for 18 tries and 8 first tries on the season, and fucking 9 tries in the last six games. There’s literally nothing else to say here…
Jethro Rinakama
The Raiders have given up the most first tries to opposition left wingers by far at 5 so far. No position for the Canterbury Bankstown Bullshit has scored first for them more than twice so far, but at least Rinakama did it last week. Another thing to note about this pile of shit team is that their left wing has overwhelmingly scored more than any other position, at a whopping 8 tries… Get on it if you want I guess…
Jacob Kiraz
Moving over to the Bulldogs right wing, where hope usually goes to die and nothing ever grows, these disappointing sacks of shit have been scoring them through their right winger at a rate of approximately one every seven games. Disgusting. Anyway, I’d normally tell ya to steer clear of the Dogs right side, otherwise known in astral projection circles as ‘The Further’, where the shadows lurk and we may be in danger of losing our physical bodies forever, but the Raiders asshole seems to be located squarely on their left side, judging by the amount of right wingers who have put their boots up it. They have had honest to god 7 fucking tries put on them by right wingers in their last four games, so if anything is in danger of motivating the shittest right side attack in the league, this is it. It’s doable, in the same way that the spontaneous reversal of the Earth’s magnetic poles is doable, but I don’t feel great about either of those things tbh.
Jaeman Salmon
We always get on the Weak Gutted Dog himself when facing the Raiders, cunts, but this time Canberra have had 3 tries put on them by right edge runners in their last 5 games. The dogs have scored the first try twice through their right side second row, and to be fair to these serial underachievers, it is one of their more successful scoring positions. Wouldn’t it be fuckin delicious if he got in first? Sticky would be throwin’ chairs and we all know it.
Tom Starling/Owen Pattie
This is a wobbly one punters, but it’s hard not to notice that the Dogs have been knocked off a couple of times by opposition hookers in the last 6 weeks. The Raiders too, seem to be making it a regular occurrence, scoring 3 tries from their dummy halves in their last 5 outings. One thing the Bulldogs have actually done pretty well is defend against opposition forwards, and with the Raiders throwing their girthy frontmen at them, there should be plenty of opportunities for one of these little cunts to scarper through a gap. It’s rough, but there aren’t a lot of options in this game, so I’m just taking what I can squeeze from the data here, so drink it. Drink my data juice.