Isaiah Iongi
I have a pretty strong feeling that the Roosters are about to go on a fairly fucking destructive run to the finals, but in the wake of origin period with a few gaps in their lineup, the Eels should absolutely give em a solid helping of shit this week before they tighten up for the rest of the year. The Eels are fuckin fun man. Despite their injury woes, they’ve just been walking into “unwinnable” games all year like they don’t give a fuck and just slingin’ shit, frustrating opponents and scoring unreal tries for our entertainment, and they should be praised for it more I reckon. Nevertheless, the Roosters are still unquestionably shit against opposition fullbacks, so Iongi has a solid chance to resume being a crafty fuckin livewire now that he’s settled back in after his injury spell.
Robert Toia/Mark Nawaqanitawase
This has absolutely nothing to do with Parramatta’s defence against right wingers, because their left side has actually been the better one defensively. No punters, this is due to the fact that these two cunts have scored a combined 22 tries, including fuckin 9 of them in the last 6 games. Nangs has also scored the first or last try five times in the last six games, so he’s almost an every week lock for a bookend try at this point.
Hugo Savala
Parramatta have had their shit wrecked by opposition 5/8s for four tries in their last 3 games. That leads me to believe that Savala has a fairly decent chance of dragging his nuts across the Eels faces and tryline. Also to the confidently incorrect cunts reading this while smugly thinking “Ha, but Svala is the Halfback for the Roosters, this guy is a fuckin idiot”, then maybe you might not watch a lot of football, champ, and also; Fist yourself you dog.
Ronald Volkman
How fuckin good is this cunt ay? Ronnie Volkswagons has been an absolute sleeper agent for Parra this season. This week he gets to go up against a team who has had the stank put on them by opposition 5/8s twice in their last three matches. Parramatta’s 5/8th has scored the first or last try for the Eels 5 times already this year, which is more than any of their outside backs.
Daniel Tupou
While he is active, Tupes is what’s called a “No consecutive X” player on my data spreadsheet. What that means is, he has never failed to score a try two weeks in a row, such is this cunts output. So what a week for him to pop back up on the team sheet, since the Eels have been hit by left CTW players more than any other position this year.
Brian Kelly
The most opposition first tries against the Roosters have come through the right wing, which should be a huge ego boost to Brian here, who has conversely scored the most first tries for Parra. The Eels will surely go straight to Kelly as per usual, and it could work if Daniel Tupou is a bit rusty returning from injury.
Salesi Foketi/Siua Wong
Right so the Chooks have done fuck all scoring through their edge runners this season, but they will literally never get a better chance to change their fortunes than against the Eels this week. The Eels are fuckin yucky poo against opposition second rowers, being torched for 15 tries so far this season, including 5 in their last 6 matches. They have also been slapped up front for the first try by second rowers in a staggering 8 fucking games so far. Huge chance to make some coin on the normally dormant Roosters edge runners here.