Fletcher Sharpe
While the Fox is on one side of the field running around doing blowoffs and backflips, or whatever he generally does to take the focus off Parramatta’s other wing so their fans don’t notice and start a riot; Brian Kelly and Jordan Samrani have been over there just eating heaping handfuls of shit from every player they have come up against this season so far. Six straight games of the Eels being gronked by left centres tells me that Fletcher and his munted mullet are definitely making an appearance over the tryline, which brings me to my next guest…
Greg Marzhew
Left wingers have scored 9 tries on the Eels in the last 8 games. Yeah go and get your dad cunts, The Marzhian has done that in his last 3.
Trey Mooney FTS or LTS
Not a lot of people seem to know this, but it’s actually pronounced “Free Money”. The fact that Trey has actually done this three times in the last six games is secondary to the fact that these cunts got knocked off by Josh King last week…
Dylan Brown
Come on, you fuckin know Dylbags cant wait to put the fire on Joash and Volkman without Moses around to stop him. Absolutely worth a smokey on Badman Breast to cop a feel over his former club’s tryline.
Brian Kelly/Jordan Samrani
While the Gash brothers here have been snacking on opposition players’ nuts for the first half of this season, these glass cannons can still find the line on any given week. This is a good week for it too, since the Knights have had 10 tries put through them by right side CTW players in the last 7 games. Newcastle have given up the first or last to them in three of those games, and Parra’s right side have scored em just as many times.
Phoenix Crossland/Sandon Smith
Hookers and 5/8s have both scored on the Eels for the past two games in a row. The Knights are still enjoying their “Fuck yeah, we have the softest draw in the comp” Tour 2026 and should put the absolute boot on these cunts. In the event that happens, it’s super unlikely that one of these two doesn’t join in the fun.
Joash Papalii/Isaiah Iongi
The Eels have had a revolving door of Fullbacks and 5/8s this season, but either one of them has still managed to score for the last 5 straight games, if not both of them. The Knights have faced the Dragons and Titans in their last two matchups, and their offences are so pissweak that they struggle to score from anywhere, but prior to that, Newy were scored on by opposition Fullbacks or 5/8s for 7 straight weeks, and more than once in four of those games.
