Joash Papalii
The Raiders have had shit stacked on them by opposition halves all year, most recently conceding 5 tries to them in their last four games. Whoever is wearing the number 6 for Parra has already scored 7 tries, including the first or last try in a match on four separate occasions, and some of those already belong to this cunt, he just took a break for a couple of weeks to knock them in from fullback instead, because he’s one of the most underrated players in the comp right now.
Kaeo Weekes
Constant punters will know that this pick has fuck all to do with the Eels. They have actually not been scored on by an opposition fullback in the last 8 straight games. However Weekes has a very tight schedule to keep, given that he has scored every other game for the entire fucking season so far. Didn’t score last week, so the Kaeo express should roll through Parra’s lineup if he hits 88 miles per hour at any point, if my calculations are correct Marty McFuckhead.
The Fox/Sean Russell
The Raiders have been fuckin rekt by left side CTW players for 17 tries. They were getting absolutely cooked for a while by both in the same game but that appears to have dried up to an either/or situation in the last 5 weeks, so at the very least one of these knuckleheads should be good for one.
Ata Mariota FTS
In their last 10 games, the Eels have given up the first try to a 2RF 5 fucking times. Half their last fucking 10 matches, punters. That is good enough for me to have a flyer on Mariota to put the hammer down on these cunts. The trend seems to be every team’s regular scoring edge runner, which for the Raiders is their left 2RF, who has scored the first try twice in that same period, with or without Hudson Young wearing the 11 jumper.
Brian Kelly
Jed Stuart is certainly capable of scoring em, but he does have the kind of defence that only the coaches’ son could get away with. Now that he’s making an appearance on the Raiders left wing, the Eels will very likely hammer-throw Brian at them like the heaving large bag of useless flesh that he is.
Tom Starling/Zac Hosking
Either hookers or right edge runners have dunked on the Eels for the last 5 fuckin games straight. That’s it. That’s all. Sound reasonable, chief?
Jed Stuart/Seb Kris
Righto dickheads, so while the Eels have been just fucking obliterated by all left side CTW players so far – and fuck I really mean it, there has been just four games where BOTH left wingers and left centres HAVEN’T scored on Parra – Matt Timoko hasn’t exactly set the left centre column on fire in the Raiders stats with just one try so far. It’s entirely possible that he just strolls over against these cunts, as woeful as they have been against players of his ilk, but I’d feel much more confident with Seb Kris. Parra are still shit against right centres as well (The Fox isn’t bad defensively though, as it happens) and the Raiders have scored the most CTW tries through their right centre. In four of the last nine games, Canberra’s right centre has scored the first or last try too, so get on that if you’re an irredeemable piece of shit. Anyway, good luck.