Brian To’o
If you think that Bizza is likely to carve out an interpretive ‘Fuck You’ to Laurie Daley by going absolutely ham on the Bunnies’ new kid this week, you might be right… to an extent. The variables here being young Dayne’s untested defence and Brian’s amount of fucks left to give, but the data at least supports some early success for To’o, should he rise to the occasion. The Bunnies have a weirdly efficient distribution of tries against them. I ain’t even joking, this shit is like a Scandinavian sofa shop. No position has yet reached double digit tries against Souths, with 8 tries a piece going to fullbacks and each side winger at the top end, as well as frighteningly few instances of more than 1-2 outside backs scoring on them in any given round. The reason why it’s probably fuckin on for Brian is that the Bunnies have been copping more shit from right wingers than an androgynous gymnast, giving out 5 tries in their last 6 games, including the first opposition try in three of the last four. Alex Johnston can be forgiven for having some suss defence, you know, being the highest try scorer in the history of the game and all that, but since Dayne Jennings is not, I can’t help but think it might be a completely shithouse idea to put the new guy up against a multiple-premiership winning winger, even if he just got turfed from the Blues in favour of a dude who looks a bit like Jennings… ESPECIALLY because he just got turfed from the Blues in favour of a dude who looks a bit like Jennings. If he can keep Brian out, then he’s probably going to be a future immortal.
Dayne Jennings
Now on the other side of the coin, and indeed field, this cunt doesn’t need to be a future immortal to score on Brian, because Brian’s defence is some dusty bullshit, my G’s. Left wingers have scored on the Panthers more than any other position. More than double any other position. More than the rest of their CTWs combined. They have also scored the first opposition try on the Panthers in two of their last 5 games. The Bunnies have enough plays designed up their left wing to score 9 fucking tries in the last 6 weeks, so that train is probably still running no matter who is at the controls.
Freddy Lussick
This one might be a bit too clever, constant punter, but the Bunnies have been punched up the guts by opposition hookers enough in recent weeks to take notice, having been hit in half of their last six outings by number 9s. Freddy has banged in a double in the last 3 weeks, so the precedent is there as well. Lineups are all fucked up due to origin, so who knows, weirder shit has happened.
David Fifita/Tallis Duncan
Right, so either one of these two would be here even if the Panthers didn’t have their entire starting second row absent this week, and I’m gonna give you two reasons to stay here, so just fuckin relax Tracy Chapman; Firstly the Bunnies send an above average amount of traffic their way, with their edge runners scoring 10 total tries so far, including 5 in their last 6 games. Now the overwhelming majority of those have gone to their right side which, due to frequent lineup changes, means that most of them were scored by Tallis Duncan anyway before Fifi came back and he was shipped off to cover other positions, ultimately settling on the left edge this week. Secondly, the Panthers just straight up don’t really let most positions score against them. There are 7 out of 13 starting positions who have not scored against Penrith in their last 6 games (Jesus, I just noticed they haven’t conceded a try to a single 5/8th this year, fuuuuuck). Anyway, what I am getting at here, is that edge runners are thankfully among the rare positions who score with any sort of frequency against Penrith, giving up 4 tries in their last 4 matches to them, including a 2 try left side assault from Jeramiah Nanaightmare. I’m pretty confident that either should get the chocolates, but if you want to get on the Bunnies second rowers to share a box of favourites, I wouldn’t be mad at that either.
Dylan Edwards
I don’t feel heaps great about this one to be honest, Punters. While it’s true the Bunnies have yet to go two games without conceding a try to an opposition fullback, Dylan has done fuck all for like the last 7 matches. Working in his favour however, is the fact that Souths are down to just two of their starting 5 outside backs, leaving plenty of gaps for an absolute weapon who has still scored 9 tries this season, despite doing jack shit since the hat trick he forced upon Newcastle in the first 20 minutes of their Round 8 clash.
Tom Jenkins
Rounding out the Panthers try scorers, as is tradition every week, is this fuckin freak of nature. Jenkins may not score every week, but he is completely incapable of stopping at one whenever he does. He literally has not scored less than a double in any game that he has scored in, so it’s considered rude as fuck in Western Sydney culture to punt on Tom Jenkins for just one try. The Bunnies have had the first opposition try put on them by a winger for the last 5 straight games, so it’s hard to think that it won’t be Tom or Brian crossing the stripe first for the Panthers, particularly since Jenkins has scored the first try for Penrith 4 times, out of the 22 fucking tries he has put in the books so far. Anyway, gamble responsibly, Deadshits.