Kaeo Weekes
Mate, I gotta tell ya, I am really starting to fuckin love the Newcastle Knights. They play good footy, score a truckload of tries on any given week, and they are consistently shit against the positions they are shit against and by god they stick to it. That makes my job here generally pretty cruisy when analyzing their matchups. I look forward to it weekly. I long for it. Anyway, as far as the facts go here: These cunts have eaten a stunning amount of shit from fullbacks recently, having 5 tries put through them by number ones in their last 3 games, as well as conceding the first opposition try to Will Kennedy, James Tedesco and Reece Walsh in all three of them. Aside from having one of the best Rugby League mullets this side of 1986, Weekes also has scored in two of the last 3 Raiders outings and has contributed the same amount of tries to their points total as either of their wingers.
Greg Marzhew
Canberra are unquestionably dogshit against left wingers in particular. They have given up 17 tries to opposition Larries, 5 first tries, and have been scored on by them in 5 of their last 6 games. Gregatron snagged the first try and a double against them last time they met, as well as putting in the most tries for the Knights so far at 19. Unless the relentless cold of GIO stadium completely fucks his groove, there’s no reason not to expect at least one sighting of the Marzian over the tryline.
Xavier Savage
Notable lazy cunt XXXavier has the equal first try output for the Raiders along with fullback and left wing, just to give you an indication of where their season is at. Not to worry this week however, because right wingers are public enemy number fucking one against Newy. With 14 total tries and 4 firsts conceded to opposition Ronnies, it’s hard to see Canberra mounting a revenge game against the Knights here without putting one right between their eyes.
Francis Manuleleua
Next up we’ve got the Cat from Red Dwarf on protein here. The floodgates have opened against the Green Machine since Hudson Young had to be taken to the glue factory, giving up the first opposition try to right edge runners for the last two weeks in a row. It would be absolutely absurd of the Knights not to poke that open wound like everyone else has been doing.
Fletcher Sharpe/Kalyn Ponga
Looks like Newy have pulled the safety tabs off Ponga for the run home to the finals, since he’s finally started attacking the line this season, scoring three tries in their last four games. The Raiders aren’t especially shit against opposition Fullbacks, but they are fucking woeful against opposition 5/8s and that’s where Fletcher comes in to ruin these cunts’ day. Both of these sneaky pricks have gotten the party started against the opposition team in their last three matches, and they should come out swinging in this one.
Tyson Frizell
Fuck off cunts, it’s Big Frizz’ 300th. Come to the party or don’t, you soft cocks, IDGAF.