Nah this game is fucked Punters. Although my enormous spreadsheets full of data can generally be relied on to bring you the best possible chances for tryscorers, there are just some games where real world factors that do not exist on paper will always come out on top, and those are much harder to predict. If I was a gambling man – and I clearly fucking am – I would think that there is a very good chance we could be watching a rehearsal of this year’s grand final (although not ruling out the Wahs at this point). That means it will likely be an absolute fuckin slogfest as these two arm wrestle each other to earn the admiration and respect of a truck drivers young son.
Sly Stallone’s greatest hits aside, what really makes this spicy is the fact that the last time these two teams got in the ring, the Panthers just beamed through a fully loaded Roosters outfit like a fucking railgun in a 40-4 facefucking. For what it’s worth, and it almost certainly is fucking worthless, but we report on all the facts here Punters; the last game these cunts played was weirdly and noticeably very “Four” heavy. For example, aside from the 40-4 scoreline, the Roosters only 4 points were scored by #4 Robert Toia in the 4th minute, Tom Jenkins scored 4 tries on the night, one of which occurred in the 44th minute, and so on and so forth (ha!). So if you’re into numerology or some shit, snort that off your cracked iPhone you dreadlocked fuckhead.
For the rest of us, the lineups for both teams looking slightly different this time around only further adds to the uncertainty of this game, with both sides missing their respective NSW representative fullbacks, as well as a handful of other players here and there. Nevertheless there are way too many question marks around this one. Are the Roosters complete enough to pounce on a recently found-out Panthers side that just got bitchslapped by the Warriors, or will last week’s flogging only strengthen Penriths bounce back here? – I don’t fucking know, Scumbags, and it is for that reason that I would advise that you stay away…
Buuuuuuut… If you really just fuckin can’t let it go because you are an irredeemable, degenerate piece of shit, which you must be if you are reading this far, desperate and sweating as I imagine you to be, then I will just throw out the following crumbs of information and you can feel free to keep them, sell them, or jam them down your pee hole with your pinky finger, because as always, your actions don’t fucking concern me, ya Lowies.
If you wanted to have a go at the Roosters halves, I wouldn’t be mad at ya here. Penrith have been uncharacteristically taking nutsacks to the chin from opposition halves in recent rounds, with 5 tries being put through them in the last three games alone.
Their defence against left side CTW players is also complete fucking toss, and Smith and Savala don’t require an invitation like that in any given week.
The Roosters have been very specifically ripped on by opposition left centres and right wingers, so that puts Tago and To’o in the maybe pile.
Everything else is up in the air here Punters, and no, fucking Tom Jenkins is not a lock this week surprisingly. Since the four tries he put on them back in round 3, the Chooks have given up just two tries to left wingers in the entire time since.
There, have that, because I know you’re going to fucking do it anyway, so you might as well do it responsibly. Anyway, see ya friday, Champions.