Jamayne Isaako
Manly may concede less tries per week on average than the Dolphins on paper, but that’s only because they haven’t had 11 tries rammed down their throats by the Sharks like the Fins have. Otherwise they’re both sitting at around 4 average tries conceded per game. The last time these two teams met, the Dolphins unfortunately caught Manly in the middle of their “Fuck off Anthony” party and got their shit absolutely waxed by the Sea Eagles, and for a while there Manly were looking untouchable defensively. Recently however, all that has changed, with Manly giving up a minimum of 6 tries for the last 3 straight games, leaving the door open for an absolute flipper-fuck from the fins. Anyway, the most popular place for opposition teams to put it against Manly is the right wing, with 17 tries – more than double the amount of any other position – coming through their left side. Furthermore, these cunts have also been shit on for the last four consecutive games by right wingers. Jamayne has scored 18, including 6 in their last 6 games. That’s a heaps fuckin roundabout way of saying “The Dolphin’s best attacking option vs Manly’s weakest defensive point. Yeah, let’s just go with that.
Jason Saab/Tolu Koula
Opposition left centres and right wingers have put a combined 8 fuckin tries on the Dolphins in the last 6 games, coincidentally the amount that Koula and the Saabinger have scored for Manly in that period. Funnily enough, the Fins have given up a try to a right winger every other game for the last 10 fuckin rounds, and they didn’t get scored on by Granderson last week so…
The Hammer/Selwyn Cobbo
Manly have been knocked off for 5 tries in their last two matches by opposition fullbacks and left wingers. Unbelievably shit luck that they now have to go up against these two cunts, who have been responsible for 6 tries, also in their last two games. Cobbo has overwhelmingly scored the first or last try the most times for the Fins, while the Hammer has punched in the first try for the last two games in a row.
Isaiyah Katoa
I’ve said some pretty off shit about Luke Brooks in the past, but turns out I’m the fuckin plodder here, since Manly have been pretty consistently rolled by opposition halfbacks in the weeks since he went down. Well done Brooksy, turns out you had some fine defensive reads in you. Also turns out, Joey Wash does not. Mitch Moses, Nicho Hynes and the Storm’s new kid have all had a turn on the tryline against Manly in their last five games, that’s definitely enough action for Issy to have a go.
Joey Walsh
Mate, seeing what Ezra Mam did to these cunts last week, and looking at the Fins data with numerous instances of them just not fucking learning a lesson in consecutive weeks, leads me to believe that young Joey here has a very good chance to make an appearance across the chalk.
Lehi Hopoate/Clayton Faulalo
Right so, regardless of what players are in the positions, there has only actually been one game so far this year where at least one of these two hasn’t scored. It rarely matters how the opposition teams perform against their positions, but in case you’re wondering how the Dolphins stack up against them, the 5 tries allowed to them in their last 6 matches should tell you: Not heaps well.
Haumole Olakau’atu/Connelly Lemuelu
Rules are; you’re only allowed to punt on this if you can say it five times in a row. Recent scorelines for games involving these clubs should be a good indication that they are likely to stack some shit on each other here, and there’s just no fuckin way it happens without their edge runners getting involved. Manly have been hit by left edge forwards in two of their last three games, which is great for the Fins, since Lemuelu is their preferred attacking option. Dolphins are slightly weaker to left edge runners than right ones, but Olakauatu has scored 4 tries in their last 6 games, so we go with him.